One more step, and one more step, and one more step.

Managing the functions and malfunctions of a sick body is really hard! On the one hand, I still have a cough and am leaking from many orifices, and still generally feel miserable. On the other hand, my body feels stiff and slow from so many days sitting and laying around. One thing I noticed from yesterday was that I felt considerably better in the late afternoon/early evening. Hopefully that will become a trend today, because I hope to go to the gym to do the same kind of workout I did on Friday. Light but solid cardio on the bike felt really good for my wonky body. Last week I focused on ab exercises because my arms were feeling weak, but I think if I can find some floor space today I’ll work on my arms and core.

My body isn’t the only thing feeling weak these days. I’ve had a few seriously hard days of mental abuse – often I feel like I’m not smart enough to be here or do the work that I’m expected to do. Then, when I finally have the motivation to do it, it’s hard to find the energy to power through work that is genuinely challenging. Some of this is lingering sickness brain-fog, and maybe some is also PMS, but I also know some of it is good, old-fashoned self-doubt (with maybe a touch of self-hatred thrown in). I have a study group this afternoon, where we will all reconfirm that none of us actually understands the homework due on Thursday, so at least while I’ll probably still feel stupid at least I won’t feel alone.

The silver lining in all this is that, hey, at least I’m out of bed and being productive. I woke up and fiddled a bit with my assignment. Next I have to gather my things for school and the gym. Then I’ll go to my study group, go to class, go to the gym, come home, eat, shower, and keep working. The day feels foggy and uneven, but I think I can chalk that up to illness and the typical end-of-semester funk.

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